


Reflection

by dragons_and_angels



Series: Eddie Diaz Week [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Day 1, Difficult Parental Relationships, Eddie Diaz Week 2021, Fatherhood, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:55:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29802564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragons_and_angels/pseuds/dragons_and_angels
Summary: Eddie knows he can go to any of his friends for parenting advice, even the ones who aren't parents.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: Eddie Diaz Week [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2190606
Kudos: 43





	Reflection

**Author's Note:**

> Ignoring all my WIPs to take part in this week. Hopefully I manage to get to all the days (though this one is late I know). I was going to tag this 'Eddie Diaz is a good father' but that's just a known fact. 
> 
> Prompt was fatherhood/I have no idea what I'm doing

There was nothing more terrifying than being a father. Eddie thought it had been bad when he was in Afghanistan and he was away from Christopher so much that he barely knew him when he did go home. But then he was home for good, Shannon was gone and Eddie was solely responsible for Christopher's happiness and well-being. Yeah, his family helped but he was Christopher's dad, it was all on him. And he hadn't realised quite how much there was to worry about until his child looked at him for everything. There wasn't just physical dangers, like car crashes, falling down the stairs or gun violence, there was cancer, rabies and seizures. There were emotional dangers, like bullying, ableism and depression. None of which Eddie had put much thought into until he was Christopher's father and started to worry about everything. 

"There's just so much to think about," Eddie said to Buck as they did a stock check and clean of the ambulance one night. Normally he would talk to Bobby about father worries, knowing he would understand. The worst had happened to Bobby and he had survived, he had a way of putting things into perspective. But Bobby was sleeping and Eddie knew Buck cared about Christopher more than just about any other kid. "Christopher mentioned having an argument with one of the kids in his class and I lay awake thinking about what to do if Christopher was being bullied." 

"But Eddie, you're good at knowing what Christopher needs. Like you are there for him but you let him figure things out on his own." Buck shrugged. "It's hard to get that balance but you've got it. And I've been told worrying is what being a parent is all about. Hell, I'm not even Christopher's parent and I still have nightmares about something happening to him like drowning." 

Eddie looked at Buck sharply but his friend was busy counting the bandages in the cupboard. He acted like it was no big deal that he was confessing that, even though Eddie had similar nightmares. 

"You're right," Eddie said, choosing to ignore that revelation for the moment. "I'm trying to find that balance. I don't want to be like my parents, smothering Christopher until he felt like he couldn't do anything, but I don't want him to get hurt because I was too lax." 

"Eddie, you are definitely not too lax." Buck shot him an amused glance. "You're laidback on the job but with Christopher? Laidback is not the word I would use." 

"I don't know whether I'm offended or not." Eddie checked the drugs and noted down what they had used last time. 

"Don't be offended, it's a good thing. Christopher knows you're there and you love him. That's the most important thing." Buck looked at Eddie. "What brought this on? You worry about Christopher all the time, why is it more on your mind now?" 

Eddie sighed. "My parents called. My abuela told them about Christopher falling over with Carla and bumping his head." 

"Yeah but that wasn't Carla's fault," Buck pointed out. "He fell over on the way to the car. She can't carry him everywhere." 

"That's not what they think." Eddie waved his hand at Buck. "I know she can't carry him everywhere. Apart from the two of us, Carla is the next person I trust to be with Christopher." Buck looked stunned and Eddie gave him a look. He didn't know why Buck was so surprised by what he said. Buck had pulled him and Christopher through a natural disaster, of course Eddie would trust Christopher with him. 

"Eddie," Buck said and then seemed to falter. 

"Anyway, my parents called me up to yell at me about it and they talked about how dangerous head injuries were. The fact that I'm a paramedic and know all about it already seemed to have escaped their notice." 

Buck rallied and went back to checking stock. "Your parents do that every time they call up. Why are they getting to you more now?" 

"My parents have this special gift of knowing just what worries are lurking at the back of my mind and honing in on them. And they've raised three kids to adulthood so I feel like they know what they're doing. And they feel the same thing." 

"Do you think they did a good job with you?" Buck asked and Eddie raised his eyebrows at him. Buck seemed to realise what he said and ducked his head. "I didn't mean it like that! You know I think you're awesome. But look at it this way, do you have the relationship with your parents that you want Christopher to have with you when he's an adult?" 

"God, no," Eddie replied without hesitation. "Okay, I see your point." The thought of Christopher feeling like he did when he saw his parents' number on his phone screen made him feel sick. The only one among his friends who had a good relationship with their parents when they were an adult was Chim, and technically the Lees weren't even his parents. 

"You're doing everything right," Buck said. 

"The only trouble is that I have no idea what I'm doing," Eddie said. "You look up how to be a good parent and you get about a million things you should be doing and shouldn't be doing, half of which contradict each other." 

"Christopher is happy, healthy and safe," Buck said. "Everything else is just surface dressing. Wasn't it you who told me that the most important thing is to keep trying even when you make mistakes?" 

Eddie groaned and let his head fall back. "Using my own words against me. How can I argue with me?" Buck laughed and Eddie delighted in the sound. 

"Look, I know all about parents managing to find your biggest insecurity and hitting where it hurts, but trust me. You're a good father. When you make mistakes, you listen to Christopher and fix them." 

"Thanks." Eddie smiled at his friend. "My parents are really good at getting to me, that's all." 

"I understand completely." 

"Are you two going to gossip in there all night or are you going to get the stocking done?" Hen asked in annoyance from the door of the ambulance. Eddie and Buck exchanged looks and then ducked their heads. Eddie felt rather like he had been scolded by his abuela again. The two of them went back to stocking silently as Eddie turned over what Buck said. 

He knew his friend was right, but knowing something and feeling something were two very different things. His parents had always been at the head of the family, making sure their children knew what they expected from them. Eddie had always felt like he was striving to make them proud of him but never had he failed more than with Shannon and Christopher. He knew his parents loved Christopher but they seemed to have given up on Eddie as their child and appeared to want to try again with Christopher. Eddie may not know what he was doing but he knew abandoning Christopher was the worst thing he could do. 

But as much as he didn't have his parents and his sisters here in L.A. he had his friends and he knew they had his back. They weren't going to suggest Christopher was better off without him, they could hear his concerns about being a bad father without saying he was right. They could be trusted and that made all his doubts and worries a lot easier to deal with.


End file.
